ponderings

Supernova

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Light years away, can it really destroy us all? We can’t depend on lady luck for multiple ‘sheer misses’

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ponderings

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This is why i’m shut. Because I’ve allowed myself to ever fall so deeply in love with someone. So much that we became one; where my thoughts, actions, words, were no longer just mine. Later I saw how much I’ve lost myself, behaviors that made me more vulnerable than I have ever been. Only when it was all over could I finally see the ugly truth. Of how the inner demons emerged from us both, engulfing the life we used to know. We were both blinded by the heightened feelings of this toxic thing we shared.

So yes. I still think of you, more often than I should, more often than I let on, more often that I choose to admit. My current read is a constant reminder of all the sheer unreplicable moments we shared in the different corners of the earth. Each page I flip takes me back to the little nooks and crannies in my travel memories, the ones with you in it and the ones without, where I wished you were there. Who would’ve thought it’ll be so hard. So hard to get over this scar that you’ve left behind, so hard to accept the version of me that wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for you.

And no, I do not know how I can look people straight in the eye and say that I’m over what we had when you still unconsciously find your way into the fragmented parts of my mind. It’s so god damn difficult; somedays more than others. But it’s alright to mourn. Mourning is healing, reminiscing is accepting what’s gone is gone. I’m learning to embrace it all because with each passing day I’m stronger, knowing that I’m another step closer to getting past this.

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How to Become the Best in the World at What You Do

“Very few people have the humility to start as amateurs. They procrastinate doing the work they want in the name of perfectionism. You know these people. The one’s who have been saying for years that they’re going to do something but never do. Yet inwardly, they’re terrified of what other people will think of them. They’re caught in a state of paralysis by analysis — too busy calculating and never reaching a state of flow. Rather than doing work their own way, they do what they think will be well-received — being merely imitators of what is already popular.”
From this article.

I want to be Ramen Profitable too.

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ponderings, travel, weekly

2016 in Taiwan

I’ve had one of the most unexpected New Year’s ever. This would mark the third year that I haven’t spent back home. Couldn’t fight the feeling of being jaded so I booked an impromptu flight and within 24 hours I was on my way to Taiwan.

Out of all the impulsive decisions I’ve made in 2015, this might have been the best one. My first trip to Taiwan could not have been more perfect. It all started with an unplanned journey into the unknown, crossing paths with the most amazing people yet spending sufficient alone time to get some well needed personal space. It was almost as if everything that has happened on this trip seemed to have been planned from the beginning, just that I didn’t know it yet. How everything fell into place nicely, how I was hosted by this awesome Taiwanese girl I found from Couchsurfing, how I went from no plans on New Year’s eve till one that just happened 2 hours before countdown, how I explored so much and realised that a city is actually capable of making me feel so happy.

There couldn’t have been a better way to spend new year’s. Sure, there was no crazy party, or familiar conversations with friends. In fact I was surrounded by expats and foreigners in an asian country, with nobody cheering or hugging each other as the clock strikes midnight, with more views of people’s mobile phones than seeing the actual fireworks from the Taipei 101. There were no perfect moments that were worth remembering, I took my first piss of the year hiding behind a tree by the river because the porta-loos were in high demand. But despite the lack of perfect moments, this was sufficient. It was more than anything I had ever expected to usher in the new year. I pictured myself bored, alone and in bed watching TV and eating a tub of ice cream. But no, I’m so lucky and so thankful to have been at the right place at the right time.

 

I’ve always believed that a good start to the year determines how the following 12 months would unfold.  This year in particular I have a good feeling. I’ve been more motivated to get my shit together, I’m kicking off bad habits and attempting to pick up better ones. My positive vibes are tingling and I’m just mentally lifted knowing that 2015 is finally finally over.

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