ponderings, weekly

May in a nutshell.

May has been rather exciting, but it has also drained me completely. Work has been just a constant stare at a computer screen for long hours and #SadDeskLunches, and I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to weekends so religiously. So, May Day here was quite an eye-opening experience. Back home it’s just a holiday but here, it’s a… holiday, but also a party, a riot, a demonstration, a celebration. Pinch also lives in the most strategic location for sight-seeing heh! Mark also arrived in the same week and we went out to get some grub, checked out some exhibitions and went on many little movie dates and festival screenings. There were lots of cool events and exhibitions taking place lately since the weather is starting to warm up, so I guess life is so much better lately! My internet connection has also FINALLY come through, after a month of waiting. I guess it’s safe to say i’m more or less settled in, phew!

Last week I had a tiny housewarming get-together, whipped up a storm in the kitchen and then ordered some pizza. Mark has been going around making connections with people in the hood, it’s rather awkward he fist bumps random strangers lol! Also went on a double date with Weeleng & Shalen to Teufelsberg! Since i’ve moved here I’ve spent the bulk of my time in the central/east areas, it’s so rare that I check out the West side, so it was really nice. Also super refreshing to take a hike and be surrounded by nature instead of facing the grunge of the city everyday. I was slightly disappointed that despite Teufelsberg being an abandoned spy station, it has since become commercialized. While I didn’t mind paying the entry fee to contribute to the upkeep of the place, I had expectations that a trip and hike out to Teufelsberg was going to be a more authentic Urbexing experience. Either way it was still a very impressive space filled with art and cool architecture.

The gloom has also slowly started to go away and people have begun sitting around canals and out in the parks. Time is sure flying, and things are moving forward nicely, I’m just a little dreadful that time may be flying by too fast. But hey, things are good and I can’t complain. There was a special screening of 7 letters held by the Singapore Embassy just days ago, it brought back a huge sense of nostalgia even though I’ve only just relocated. I was wondering inside how the people who haven’t gone home in forever must feel. Some days I still think about it, and I don’t know if I miss home. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. But i’ll let time tell. Till then, taking things a step at a time.

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ponderings, weekly

Focus on focusing

Somehow, life has been still; almost stagnant. I’ve become stuck in a shell, waiting in between one destination to another. I’m flying to Thailand in 2 days, how fast has 3 weeks gone by since returning from Japan? I did absolutely nothing worthy during this time and it felt like a 20 day layover.

Slightly demoralised lately, maybe even lost. I woke up a a few mornings wondering what day it was, and once I even thought I lost track of the days and missed my flight to Bangkok. The other night I even experienced something almost like a lucid dream, except it wasn’t exactly one. Strange, very strange sensations and things going in my mind.

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travel, weekly

もちもち、もしもし!

Japan was swell! 14 days went by way too quickly. Great food, long train rides, bento sets, conversations about life over Moscow Mules & 巨峰酒, zazen experience, indigestions & temple stays.

What I don’t miss is the freezing temperatures and the sniffles. Missing the flight home turned out to be a good thing because I had time to chill and do nothing. Guess t’was a fun trip but now my bank account says no. Constantly.

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weekly

Idle x Ideas

This week has been filled with peaks and dips. Well, if it ain’t the yo-yo theory keeping me in a repetitive hell-hole. Today I was on the verge of having a mini heat stroke in my own home, slipped in the toilet, and splashed mango juice all over myself after a shower.

No, not my day.

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weekly

Wind down

It’s been a while since my weekend was this eventful. Mostly it consists of personal space but I may have maxed out socialising credits over the past two days. A last minute decision to Laneway was, well, bleak. After 2 years of missing Laneway, I thought perhaps going for this year’s would be interesting, especially with Beach House performing. Somehow I spent more time looking for people in the crowds than actually enjoying the music. By the time Beach House went on stage, I made a decision to just walk into the crowd alone and stand there by myself in the middle to watch them. I do not have patience for negative people and drama that doesn’t involve me anymore. Luckily I found and stuck with another group of super funny folks for the rest of the night. Wandering off to buy a cup of Sailor Jerry’s wasn’t a bad idea after all.

H also came to visit for the weekend and I had one of the nicer tour-guiding days. Usually I’m just exhausted and walking way too much, but today was chill. Exhibitions, watching the rain and picking favourite skyscrapers from Chinatown’s rooftop carpark, chakra drinks at Going Om. I even tried that weird hoverboard thing in the middle of Haji Lane with the ever-friendly fellas who work there.

There was a photography exhibition today at Gillman that showcased many photos from India, Nepal and Burma. Identifying which city each photo was taken made me realise how much I’ve missed India. I pulled out my India/Nepal notebook from my stash of travel journals. Re-reading journal entries, my little pages of Hindi/Nepali/Spanish, seeing the spread of book, movie and Bollywood movie recommendations, seeing sketches that I drew while commuting – memories flood back like I was just there. But it’s been over a year.  Those journal entries, they’ve done nothing but reveal how laid-back my mind was then. I was so chill, so nonchalant. My mind hasn’t had the luxury of freedom since I came home. Agendas, to do lists, they fill up my head like a never-ending checklist.

How I miss that feeling, the liberation of having a completely clear mind. How I miss having space in my head to remind myself to be conscious about each bite that I take from my meals. How I miss morning sun salutation sessions on the rooftop of Vinod’s guesthouse with the Catalonian boys. How I miss greeting the lady in the cake cafe in Nepalese before morning yoga class in Rishikesh. How I missed walking around barefoot, feeling the earth in between my toes and having grey all over the underside of my foot where there should be the colour of skin. How I missed the sound of anklets jingling as girls walked around. How I miss the familiarity of discomfort that became comfort in time to come, the comfort of making a grungy hole become a temporary home, watching time pass through the dripping wax of candles at the edge of my bed, weaving macrame bracelets while squashed up with local women in the front of buses. Perhaps some places are not meant to get over, and India is definitely one of those places in the world.

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Currently : ♫ Rainbow Trout – Matt Kivel ♫

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ponderings, weekly

To infinity and beyond.


These are dark times. So much has been going on – work, projects, preparation for the holidays. But it’s all finally over… well, sort of. 2015 has been one hell of a year. I’ve kept grounded longer than I thought I would, hung around to complete the things that I set myself to but now it has dawn upon me that I’ve been overly ambitious. All that I’ve done in the past months is just pushing myself to the limit, causing myself unnecessary stress and losing a grip on what it really means to live. It’s ok to give up on dreams, it’s not wrong to pursue it but the important thing is that I’ve tried. I haven’t failed, per se, but the light at the end of the tunnel seems real dim. The constant rush to reach the end point is only doing more harm than anything else. As the year is about to come to an end, I’m going to remind myself to be patient; and take it in my stride to suck it up if things don’t turn out the way they should.


Exactly this time last year, I fled from the group of amazing backpackers I was with to Bundi for some quiet time. I hopped on the overnight bus from Pushkar and set off to be away from everything just to collect my thoughts. Strange enough, in my hectic schedule these days, I finally have that personal time to stop and think through this insane year of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and mental turmoil. I guess all I needed this whole time was space; space to breathe.

Life is going to keep throwing challenges, but I will soldier on. Because looking at what I have right now, I’m one hell of a lucky person.

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weekly

Astray

It’s been an intense couple of weeks. My lifestyle has been such an unhealthy routine lately. Going to work hungover twice in a week, skipping meals and eating at unearthly hours because I don’t have the time of the day, getting the bare minimum when it comes to sleep and a well rested mind. Despite juggling with that and working my ass off like a slave, I’m still having a lot of fun. Big love to the people who keep me sane in times of festivity & mental stress ❤

It’s almost the weekends again, and Christmas is coming soon!

 

 

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